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Let God...

December 27, 2010 (3:45am)
The first day of my new 'Reality'... Wow, I feel like I have lost my BETTER HALF and yet I feel in the past that I have been here before (you know letting go of some thing or some one). Letting go isn't always easy to do...

See Lord I had to let go of the idea of him because he consumed my thoughts my future plans, my current reality! Yes, All this while he never made a commitment to me.  He always called me his friend and so I gladly took the title a long with all the other friends... The funny thing is he really did take me by surprise because of course you know I thought I knew what was 'BEST' for me. I believed I knew what I wanted... I had my 'LIST' that list of the perfect person for me. Oh sure I had meat on my list... you know the things that mattered. I knew first and foremost that he had to be spiritual and more spiritually stronger than me. You know a Christian man, a Born again Believer a man who TRULY had a 'RELATIONSHIP' with God. A praying man. A man who actively 'TALKED' and 'WALKED' with God. A man who had a heart for God and was seeking God daily. A man who could 'HEAR' from God. More importantly a man who 'LOVED' God. And because of that Love for God, A man who understood & knew how to love is wife as Christ loved the church... Hmph as far as I was concerned if he Truly had those spiritual aspects in place ALL the rest would be added. BUT wait, of course the rest couldn't be added without my physical attributes on the list also. I mean what is a 'LIST' if you don't add the attraction. Well, well, well, let me just say that when that love jones comes down on you that "LIST" starts to look all to superficial on the physical attributes side... Cause let me just say that NO he did not come in the package "I THOUGHT" was 'BEST' for me. After all, where was my six foot 2, six foot 4 adonis? I mean I even mentioned it to him. Can you believe that? Hmph, I felt I had to be honest BUT OH isn't it interesting how no matter what. No matter what I 'THOUGHT' I wanted and 'THOUGHT' I knew what was best. This man is 'EVERYTHING' spiritually and physically I want in a husband. My attraction to him is almost unbelievable! Can you believe I was going to pass him up simply because the 'PACKAGE' wasn't EXACTLY like I believed I wanted it to be... EXACTLY like I thought it had to be in order for me to have a future with him... (hmmmm... Lord I know you know many of folks who have turned away your best because it wasn't in the 'right' "PACKAGE") Lord I know now that the looking at the 'PACKAGE' has nothing to do with God's best for me.  I was only trying to find a way to disconnect from him because surely it was to good to be true. To good to be true for this man to have found me like he did and at this moment of my life. It just couldn't be happening I mean Lord the things he was saying to me. The things he wanted... Could it be? Could he really be the he you have for me? Because Lord as far as I was concerned to "ME" he is it. He is just right for me... everything I could want and more. When I see him from a distance or enter a room WOW what a joy to see, when he smiles he energizes me! When he speaks he consoles me, he gives me hope, he causes me to want to be a better me... He causes me to want to know more of the Jesus in me!

So, why Lord, why is it NOW after all this time I have to set him free... I thought this is who you wanted for me????????

Oh I get it... I see... It's no ones fault really. There is no one to blame.  For I simply took my eyes off Thee God the one whos name is like no other name... You brought him into my life and a wonderful friendship began.  Than I ran... ran away with my own selfish desires allowing them to take over and I stopped seeking Your face and started seeking his.  I got caught up in what I was feeling and what was being said.  Which in turn clouded my head.  See it was never about what he was saying BUT it was ALWAYS about what Gods word says... Lord I realized that I had forgotten that "I can do nothing without you" Because Your word says:"I Can do ALL things THROUGH Christ who strengthens me". Lord You give me the strength to believe and know what Your BEST is for me. Not create my own best.  You give me the strength to remain faithful to You.  Not become faithful to someone who doesn't even know if they want to be with me/doesn't know if they 'can' be with me.  You give me the strength to surrender ALL to You and actively, daily seek Your face. Not seek after the desire of a man who doesn't even see a future with me.  You give me the strength to stand apart, to set myself apart from the 'MANY' and wait on You to provide.  Not settle for being lumped in with the 'MANY' waiting to survive.  You give me the strength to be still and Know that You are working things out for my Good.  Not run ahead of You and work things out for myself all while being misundestood.  You give me the strength to be patient and wait on You to reveal "YOUR WILL" for my life...   Not create and design my own will thinking that alone will suffice...

Lord I know that it is Your will that he is in my life. If for no other reason then just to be a true godly friend.  You couldn't have put him in my life as such a friend at any better time then when You did.  Developing a Friendship with him has been so rewarding and has caused me to draw nearer to You God.  It has given me hope that your BEST is worth waiting for and that I will not be disappointed in it... in the him you have for me!   Forgive me for getting ahead of You and thank you for Your forgiveness.  Thank you for never leaving nor forsaking me.  Thank you for Your mercy and Your grace.  Thank you for ALWAYS wanting the BEST/Your BEST for me. So it is with the knowledge and understanding of this that I realize I had to set him free.  Set him free from the IDEA of him I had him prisoner to.  Set him free from the IDEA of him I had myself prisoner to.  Set him free from the Roller coaster ride of my emotions.  Set him free from the words he spoke that I latched on to.  Set him free to make mistakes and learn from them.  Set him free so I can be me and honor the friendship you BLESSED me with.  Set him free so that I could be free because it was never my place to try and create 'my' own will nor impose 'my' will on his life to satisfy me.  My prayer is that he will forgive me and understand that Lord God your will is what is most important .  Your will is what I seek for my life and so I had to COMPLETELY  set him free by letting go in order to let God...




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