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I have had the opportunity to find out that according to the masses there is some kind of peace and complacency that comes with 'DOING WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE' is doing or believing is natural to do. Hmmm.. I've also come to realize that in life and dealing with others whether we want to or like to admit it or not.. society lives and breaths 'SELFISHNESS'... (basically, saying whatever, whenever to get what "THEY" want or make others view them in a certain light) I mean don't get me wrong when it comes to the people we work with or our so-called close knit group of friends we put on the 'CHARM'... making sure that we announce and defend that we are indeed 'GOOD PEOPLE' pretending to do for others as to not appear 'SELFISH' at all... Not realizing that this kind of behavior alone is another form of 'SELFISHNESS'... (secretly bringing attention to oneself is indeed.. Selfish in it's own right) U know I was always under the impression that those who 'ARE' about it.. Just 'BE' about it. I mean it is just that simple. No gray. Just 'BLACK & WHITE'.. Don't get me wrong I've suffered from this same 'AILMENT'.. The "ME" zone. Which by the way there is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself and making sure that you protect yourself from 'NEGATIVITY', 'PHYSICAL & MENTAL DANGER etc.'. But in the GRAND SCHEME of things isn't it just as important to seek 'TRUTH'... GODLY TRUTH that is. Isn't it JUST AS IMPORTANT to reach out to others I mean truly reach out to say 'HI' just plain ole'... 'HI' from time to time. Or what about just admitting that you indeed do not have all the answers and yes sometimes (while running the rat race called life) you need someone to lean on if only to say.. GOSH hold on a minute I need to rest cause I'M tired. You know it is ok to appear 'REAL' to others. I mean you never know how sometimes that alone has a healing affect for your mind, body and soul and sometimes even someone else's. Why oh why are we caught up in the 'APPEARANCE' act?

I've been thinking about this and recently found myself just 'FULL'.. Full from dealing with 'FAKE FOLKS' as I call it. See when you are on the path of 'TRUTH' the last thing you need to deal with is 'FAKE FOLKS'.. OR just plain old 'FALSE PERCEPTIONS'.. I mean I figure thus this being the reason you are on the journey to 'TRUTH'. I would think that to even begin such a journey one realizes that 'THEIR' life has been 'FALSE' and therefore are in need of 'TRUTH' as not to go insane. Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. This would be me. Once I realized I was caught up in the 'APPEARANCE' act. I had to take on another role. Cause that script was getting 'TIRED' and getting me 'NO WHERE'.. I simply must believe that there is in fact more to life than: WHAT DO MY FRIENDS OR FAMILY THINK?, WHAT ABOUT BUSH?, THE WAR, TAXES, MAKING MONEY, BUYING HOMES, SOCIAL STATUS etc. I mean don't get me wrong this is our 'REALITY' as people who live in a world that runs on 'MONEY' but must it 'DEFINE' us. Must it drive us suck up our energy & consume us or be are main focus for living. When it is all said and done 'Will it really matter?"... SELAH!!!!

The one thing I realize is that with everything going on around me & in my life when I reach a point of 'BEING FULL' as I like to call it. My first instinct is to 'SHUT DOWN'... kick folks to the curb sort to speak. Of course, this leaves them thinking.. Now what is her problem and what did I do this time. And the sad truth is IT really is never about them. Anyway, honestly for me, I've found that this 'KICKING FOLKS TO THE CURB' mentality only lasts an instant. Which is why to some.. "Who basically just don't get it."... One can appear to be wishy washy or 'UNSTABLE'.. ON THE CONTRARY, what I've come to learn about myself especially while on this journey of 'TRUTH'.. is ALL THIS OTHER STUFF in life matters a DAMN (as my best friend TORRIE would say) and The only thing that truly matters to "ME" in life is in fact 'AM I in right standing with GOD'.. and if so then surely I cannot turn my back on FAMILY, FRIENDS etc. I know what it is like to have someone turn their Back ON YOU for whatever reason they deemed necessary at the time. I myself have turned my back on a FEW. This does not feel good to say the least no matter which end (the turner or turnee) you fall on. Don't get me wrong.. when I look back on my life I know I've been that one to 'UP & MAKE' a drastic change or two. Without notice, sometimes leaving family & friends wondering yet again... "NOW WHAT IS HER PROBLEM". Nevertheless, I've always come to my senses. reached back to connect with others and sometimes apologize for the sporadic behavior. I've also had friends or family, do the same.. You know go missing in action from time to time. And yes, I've been that one to send a phone call, text message, email, shout a gram.. (LOL) you name it to say... "Hey, what up witcha?".. "Hope all is well" All in all I guess what I'm discovering while on this journey is that part of my 'TRUTH' is "Everything is Everything".... And with that I've come to the understanding that 'THIS IS JUST WHO I AM'... I'M A FIGHTER.. even though my stuff is 'RAGGEDY' at times, my 'DELIVERY' not the best. I JUST CAN'T GIVE UP ANYMORE ON THE THINGS THAT MATTER. And LIFE if I'm truly going to live it to the fullest.. comes with it's 'STRANGE FOLKS' with their own 'REALITY'S' and I've got to let folks be themselves NO MATTER how strange, fake or otherwise it may seem. Yes.. yes.. I know that there are times when 'LOVING FOLKS FROM A DISTANCE'.. is in order. (LOL) I guess the key is in fact to LOVE them.. You know that 'GODLY' Love them and keep on moving if you must. However, sooner or later we all come to realize that there really is more to life than the Day to Day grind. Sooner or later people will reach out and understand that the bonds you forge over time with first and foremost GOD then Family & Friends etc. Are really the BONDS that carry you through from this life to the next. All this other stuff is just residue.....

A thought: Even when some of those bonds are just a shout out from time to time the affect or impact on someones life can be monumental. I say this because I have a friend who I've come to know and respect and I must say I've known him for quite some time now. I mention him because the way he is has never been something he has had to proclaim or defend.. He is who he is and I can trust that he will be that until the end. He has never given me false hope or a run down on what he represents. I would assume that anybody who knows him knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will in fact be 'TRUE' no matter what. Anyway, there are others in my life that I believe the same about. But for some reason in my life.. He stands out above the crowd. You see this friend is not someone I have the pleasure of speaking to as much as I used to when he lived near me many years ago. And there was a time there that we had lost touch completely.. However he surprised me when he called my parents one day.. inquiring about my where abouts. This just floored me. At the same time though it brought with it a since of good tidings. And to this day. know matter what or where he is in life if we don't speak often.. he has never failed to send me this one message: "Rox, How are you? I'm still with you. I haven't forgot about you and I hope all is well"...call me when you can. AND with that so our friendship continues and whether he knows it or not. Just that alone over the years has spoken volumes to me and has brought many a smile to my face. I'm sure to some this would be an insult but for me it's just what the doctor ordered at times. See for me it's the little things that MEAN so much. And taking a minute out of a busy life, a comfortable life, a stressful life, etc. To acknowledge another's existence is definitely to 'ME' part of the journey of 'TRUTH' and "LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST"...

So..... My cup may be full... But guess what? I'm hear, I'm alive, I'm growing, I'm here if you need me and I'm coming to an email, text message or phone call near you...........




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